A lot of divorces start with the hope that – once the decision has been made – the fighting will stop and reasonable agreements can be reached so that both parties can move forward and heal.
Unfortunately, not every divorce is destined to be amicable. Sometimes, a divorce that seemed like it would be cooperative suddenly becomes contentious. Repressed anger or bitterness can suddenly cause one party to dig in their heels and become adversarial.
Recognizing the signs of a high-conflict divorce in the making can help you protect your position, develop a solid strategy for resolution and avoid being pulled deeper into unnecessary battles. Here are some “red flags” that your previously peaceful divorce is changing course:
1. Communications turn abusive
A key indicator that a conflict is escalating is a shift in tone. Difficult conversations suddenly become outright hostile. Your spouse stops focusing on the issues that have to be settled and starts throwing insults your way, trying to intimidate you or provoke an emotional reaction.
This isn’t just unproductive communication; it’s a pattern of conflict that can make easy resolutions impossible to achieve.
2. Compromises are impossible
In general, both parties in a divorce have to make some concessions. If one spouse comes in with a list of demands and refuses to compromise on even minor issues, that’s a major problem. You cannot negotiate with someone who isn’t willing to bend.
If every issue becomes a point of contention and reasonable proposals are rejected without counter-proposals or even a discussion, that’s a clear sign that the focus has shifted from finding a resolution to “winning.”
3. Threats are made to weaponize the system
Sometimes, one party in a divorce will start to abuse the legal system itself to try to get what they want. This may start with repeated threats to litigate every minor issue, then quickly escalate into false allegations or exaggerated claims of abuse, neglect, addiction, mental illness or some other kind of malfeasance.
These tactics automatically escalate the level of conflict in any divorce and usually signal an end to any kind of negotiated agreement.
4. Financial information is withheld
Transparency is essential when it comes time to divide marital property and settle any issues of support. When one spouse refuses to provide their financial records or seems to be hiding critical information, that will intensify the conflict.
Watch for delayed or incomplete financial disclosures, unexplained changes in your spouse’s alleged income or assets and general resistance to the idea that the marital property should be split because your spouse feels like everything is “theirs” and you “don’t deserve it.”
When you’re done, you’re done – but your spouse may not feel the same. Many high-conflict divorces involve one party’s efforts to maintain control over their spouse and a refusal to move forward. Recognizing these signs early and alerting your legal counsel to the issues can help you take a focused, informed approach to the process ahead.
