If this is going to be your first Christmas since your separation or divorce from your co-parent, you will likely face some new challenges. One will probably involve your children’s presents.
Money may be tight this year – especially if you haven’t yet finalized your settlement. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop some co-parents from becoming extremely competitive about gift-giving. Whether out of guilt about the divorce or the need to “outdo” their co-parent, some parents get carried away, and the other parent may struggle to keep up.
Make a plan
It’s best when co-parents can work together to determine what they’ll give their kids and how much they’ll spend. You can do this in a number of ways.
- If the presents are coming from Santa, you can determine who will shop for the presents, how much you’ll spend in total and how the cost will be divided.
- If your kids are a little older, you can decide whether you’ll give gifts separately or together. If you give individual gifts, it’s best to review your lists together to make sure you aren’t getting duplicates. Set a spending limit for each parent per child and commit to not exceeding it.
- You may want to purchase larger, more expensive gifts like a new phone or laptop together. Most kids appreciate getting a present from both parents, even though they’re no longer together.
What if your co-parent outspends you?
If your co-parent refuses to cooperate and insists on giving something that’s far outside your budget, it’s important to let your child enjoy it (assuming it’s not wildly inappropriate or dangerous). That means letting them keep it in your home if they prefer, and not making them feel guilty for enjoying it.
When they’re older (or maybe as soon as next Christmas), they may not even remember that gift. They’re more likely to remember how special you made the holiday season for them in ways that cost little or no money.
If your co-parent continues to outspend you on holiday, birthday and other gifts for your kids, it may be worthwhile to look at modifying your child and/or spousal support agreements. Another option is to include a clause about gift-giving in your parenting plan. Having experienced legal guidance can help you determine how best to tackle this issue.
